One would think my one and only emotion right now would be joy. It is my main emotion but other ones keep creeping into my daily life:
JOY- definitely happy,happy,happy about this referral
RELIEF- a huge wait has been lifted from our life in knowing that we have a referral and we can move forward.
PANIC- will I be a good mom to a child who has lost so much already? Will I be able to meet his emotional
needs? Am I to old to be patient with a toddler?
WORRY- I worry that something can still disrupt this adoption. I've been through something similar. We
were matched (did not have a referral) with a sweet little girl from Ghana and then everything fell apart. There are many changes happening with Imagine right now and I pray that they will be positive.
HURT- A little hurt by people who we are close to who have not congratulated us and refuse to mention anything about what is happening. I wonder what their reaction would be if we were pregnant?
NERVOUS- A little freaked about traveling to a country like Ethiopia. Excited but nervous. AHH!!!
SAD- Sad for all my blogger and Yahoo friends who are anxiously waiting for their referral. Sad for all that
my little guy has lost in order to get to this point.
IMPATIENT- I was fine for about a week and now I just want to know when court is. It will be at least
another couple of weeks before we find that out.
HONORED- That we were chosen to be this little guys parents. What an amazing privilege!!!
AMAZED- That God was in control and decided we needed a little boy. Amazed that we have been
matched with this little guy since the beginning of November. What took them so long??
I don't talk a whole lot about my family. I don't want them to feel like I invade their privacy.But I had to mention that my oldest who is now 16 1/2 just got baptized last Sunday. What an experience. He has matured so much over the years and is so much fun to be around. Not everyone can say that about their teen son. God has done great things in his life. He has blessed me immeasurably. Thank you God!!
I also need to mention that he just bought his first motorbike and car. Next picture you see of me will be with a full head of grey hair.
9 comments:
Hi Elsie,
I am glad you are feeling so much joy, and I totally get all those other feelings. But, I am sad you are feeling hurt because people haven't congratulated you. I know how you feel. No one at my work ever asks how things are going...ok, wait, maybe 1 person. But I teach at a school of 500 with a pretty close knit staff of about 30. It hurts that no one seems to care. Well, you've got us and we are all super excited for you!
Claire
I can sympathize with some of your feelings...though it's the referral ones that I am waiting anxiously for!
Congratulations on your son's baptism. :)
I remember having all those feelings as well. The hurt surprised me. I can't believe how insensitive people can be. I remember when we were home from ETH about two months and a "friend" brought her new born son over to another friend of ours house. Throughout the night there had to be at least 10 people go over and say congratulations and ask her tons of questions. These same people's reaction to me....Nothing or oh ya, congratulations to you too. People don't get it. Enjoy the good feelings, they are the ones that matter.
Dana
Those feelings all make lots of sense to me. And...I know it may be difficult not to have some nerves about the travel...but if an anxious, shy, travel-avoidant person like me can make it to Thailand and back with pretty much NO issues (and actually keep having thoughts of going back), then you can do the same...so hopefully you can just mostly enjoy the planning and anticipation!
It all makes sense to those of us who've got the t-shirt! :)
Take a deep breath. One step at a time. We had some very, um, rude reactions from some people very close to us. Parents. Lack of understanding. Once she was home, it all changed - they are her biggest advocates and her staunchest prayer support. Not everyone will be like that, but those who love YOU will work through it.
You can trust Mission of Tears to deal with absolute integrity, and they will ensure Imagine does the same. I'd take that to the bank. God's in control, and it's going to be His timeline. You'll be ok. Trust Him. Blessings on you!!
Those are all such natural emotions! God will give you patience and relief from worry. And I know, you'll enjoy your trip(s) to Ethiopia!
I'm sure your son's motorbike brings on a whole set of emotions!
Congratulations with his baptism-what a beautiful thing that you are enjoying your 16 year old so much!
I understand all those emotions. I am also shocked that some people have not congratulated you! That's very hurtful. People are quick to congratulate with a bio child, but not so much with adopted children.
I'm sure you'll be an amazing mom to this little boy. Your parenting abilities have already become aparent through your son's baptism. Congratulations on his baptism! That is so exciting! I love seeing teenagers take that important step of faith.
Those emotions all sound normal. It's not as simple as just feeling joy, especially now that there is even more uncertainty in International adoption than ever, but God seems to have a plan for your family that involved this little boy, so I hope you are able to find some peace in that.
waiting to feel those emotions. :) congratulations to your oldest son..an exciting step!
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